Marion Burge on her Starting Blocks debut last Saturday.
Approaching Final Destination!
Its finally here. Its Show Week, where I’ll be able to get all the work out into the world and see what people feel about it. Its been a wonderful and scary 10 week journey with some wonderful people and the support of a great venue.
At this point I’m excited. I balance on the edge of immense calm and blind panic, which I’ve decided must be normal. I look at my log book entries from the very first session in the rehearsal space and by some miracle I’ve managed to do over half of the things I’ve set out to do. Ordinarily I would be irritated and angry with myself for falling short, but this time I think I’m entitled to give myself a break. I’ve embarked on a journey that has been really difficult, full of second guesses and backtracking. I’ve been furious at how simple and unsophisticated some of my ideas have been and felt debilitating worry about what everyone would think and if everyone at CPT would look at me at the end of the Showcase wondering how they managed to be duped into letting me show my work.
I am, however reminded that the voice I came in with was very quiet. Over the past few weeks I’ve been able to look for it and help it get a little bit louder. I’ve been able to encounter my personal practice in a stark and honest light, and I’ve not always been happy with what I’ve found. This is ok. This is important.
When I started this project I had huge ideas about how I would make an epic piece that dealt with themes that felt epic to me. I haven’t finished this journey yet. I still have a long way to go before I’m completely satisfied. So far the work has been very internal. I’ve looked at my own experiences and my own understanding of this alien-ness, which has been my focus for so long. I’ve made a very autobiographical piece which I didn’t expect to do in as high a concentration as I have done. I had ideas of the 1960s space race and sci-fi tropes that never formed or have been saved for the ‘DVD extras’. My mind is full of places that I still have yet to go with the work. Conversations with people outside of myself who I feel might find their own voice in my work. collaborations and interactions with people who know more about science than I do, who might make the work richer.
I’m pleased that I’ve found the piece in its current iteration and I’m excited to see what it looks like when it meets its audience. It feels a bit like a second date. I’ve had my introduction to it in the rehearsal room and now I can ask more meaningful questions that give me a better idea of what kind of commitment that I might be making if I keep going. I’m scared. I’m nervous. More importantly I believe in it so, I’m doing it anyway.